I swear, it's just been one of those nights. One minute i'm fine, and then the next I'm a mess. But in the middle of my moodswings, I've come to realize somthing. I'm not who I've been pretending to be. I put up an exterior like i'm not like other girls. I'm tough, i don't get hurt easily, I won't get mad or upset or hurt as easily as other girls will. Well the truth is, i do. I get upset. I cry when i think the boy I love doesn't care about me as much as i care about him (even though i know he does). I can't explain why i feel what I feel, but i think i might have an idea of where it comes from.
Growing up the way I did, if I expressed that my feelings were hurt, or that someone had made me upset, I would be branded as a "cry baby." I can't tell you how many times I would just try to get through to people in my family that they had truly hurt my feelings, and they made my emotins into a joke and hurt me even more. So basically, I've been trained from childhood to hold in all of my emotions and not tell anyone how I'm feeling.
I hate it. I hate the way I feel. I hate the way I think other's percieve me when i become emotioal. But most of all, I hate the way I hate my emotions.