I Found Him!

So this happened about two weeks ago, but since i feel it's blog-worthy, i figure it's better late then never, right?

Okay, so flashback to when I was in preschool. I had this best friend named Charlie, and we were pretty much closer than sibblings. We did basically everything together, and when I moved away from Ohio, he was the thing I missed the most. I saw him again when I was in the 1st grade, but we didnt really get the chance to catch up.

Okay, now back to two weeks ago. I was on facebook and I got to wondering if he was on facebook. So i searched his name, and nothing. Well, thankfully my mom was looking over my shoulder and pointed out that I was spelling his name wrong! So i typed it in right and don't ya know he was the 1st one that popped up?

So we exchanged phone numbers, and it was the freakiest thing ever. This boy is my exact twin. He listens to the same kinds of music, plays guitar, loves mint chocolate chip flavored stuff, has hazel eyes, the same sense of humor, his birthday is on my parents anniversary, our sisters share a birthday, he's pale and has dark brown hair, and the list goes on and on and on. After only 2 weeks of talking, we're pretty much best friends again. It just goes to show you that Facebook is good for something besides distracting you from your homework (:

Merry Christmas!

So today is Christmas! It's by far my favorite day of the year (: This morning, Julia woke all of us up at 6am to go downstairs and open presents. As usual, Mom and Dad covered the doorway to the living room in wrapping paper for us to bust through when they give the OK. It's always fun (:

I'm just gonna list off the things I've gotten so far and from whom

From Memaw and Poppy:
-Vera Bradley backpack purse
-the Nook e-reader
-ihome
-2 tops i picked out from Delias

Mom and Dad (and Santa ;])
-Dell Inspiron Mini
-really awesome Ke$ha-ish low cowboy boots
-Harry Potter Wii game
-Season 1, Volume 2 of Glee
-mint chocolate candy bar (yum!)

and christmas isnt even over yet! When Grandma and Grandpa get here, we get to open our presents from them too

157 And More

I'm probably going to hate myself for posting this, but here it goes. But one word of warning: if you read this, i dont care who you are, please dont come and try to talk to me about it. If i wanted to talk about it, i would say it in person. I'm here to vent.

I've always had low self-esteem. Even when someone jokes around and says that i look bad or i've gained weight, i take it literally and obsess over it. Lately, it's been my weight. That's what the title of my post means. My weight. Let me state right now, if i could handle being anorexic, i would. I just like food too much to stop eating it all together. And bulimia is disgusting, so i would never even consider doing that. So i'm just sticking to the whole eat right and exercising thing. To be completely honest, I don't like myself sometimes. I mean, i guess i'm an okay person, but nothing that special. I surrouund myself with people who are extrememly smart and talented and beautiful. And then i look at myself and wonder why they even talk to me. I dont do well in school. I cant play more than 1 musical instrument. I'm not as good of a singer. I'm not as good of a dancer. And my personal favorite: I'm not as thin as them.

Some of the people I hang out with don't help me either. For example, and i may be overreacting, but every day i feel like i'm being attacked by my own friends. I'm afraid to speak sometimes out of fear that if I say something wrong, They'll automatically bite my head off. And do you know the part that ticks me off more than anyting else? The fact that nobody ever tries to stand up for me. I'm not talking like they say something and nobody listens. No, I mean nobody says anything. Do you know what that feels like? To be put down by the people closest to you, and when you look to a friend or even a boyfriend for help, I get nothing. Not even a "come on guys, leave her alone.". Even when they see I'm hurt, they laugh. They say i'm overreacting, that i need to get tougher, or that they didnt really mean anyting by it. That doesnt change the fact that they still said it. The damage was done. i love my best friends with all my heart, but i'm almost afraid to hold a normal conversation with some of them sometimes.

Some will even admit that they enjoy making me mad. And nothing will make me madder than if they say that. And then they have the nerve to laugh.It literally makes me want to punch them in the face, even if I love that person to death. And i dont think they understand how much that hurts emotionally. Because friends are supposed to support you, and not make you feel like crap, right? It just makes me feel kinda worthless, to be honest. This just shows me that they have no consideration for my feelings. I'm a caring person, and I would never purpously try to make someone seriously mad. I would appreciate it if people did the same.

Once again, this was just to vent, and my feelings about people havent changed, and they never will. These people will always remain my best friends, because lets face it, who else it gonna put up with me? lol. Even though I get ticked at some of them on a daily basis.........

I could never put every single feeling I have into this because it would take too long, but here's the most of it.

Sean&&Brooklyn

So for anyone who doesnt talk to me on a daily basis, you should know this whole story. At the Forest Festival marching band competition, BHS was standing behind Magnolia High School's band. We all started mingeling and one thing led to another, and a boy named Sean ended up falling for my friend Brooklyn. A week went on and all he did was text me about how much he liked her and how amazing shew was (: so cutee (:

Tonight me and Brooklyn drove to Lewis County High School to surprise Sean, and it was so awesome! We hid behind cars like creepers and popped out when he got close to us. I wish i wouldve gotten a picture of his face when he saw her! It totally screamed "oh crap, this is NOT happening!" it was so fantastic (; haha my friend Lakyn from MHS got it on video, so ill get to see the whole thing later i guess (: ill post it on here when i get the chance (:

FINALLY!!!

so the other day, i was talking to my best friend hannah as usual and she was telling me about how much she wished Isaac (my best guy friend and Hannah's crush of 2 years) would just man up and ask her out already. After a while, she decided that she was just going to text him and tell him. So thats what she did............


AND NOW THEY'RE TOGETHER!! im so happy right now its not even funny haha ((: they totally belong together and every time i look at them , i wanna scream. Me, Alex, Hannah, and Isaac went on a double date last night and it went amazingly well (: he told her how pretty she was and she flirted and we annoyed the boys with our silent communicaton. They actually ended up getting pretty mad, which was hilarious....

life is good, ill try not to ruin it any time soon (;

Hello, Blog(: i've missed you!

I've missed my blog so much in the last few months! i've just been too busy to post anything. but i'm back! lol so anyways, while i was away, i was preparing for a voice recital, practicing for frontline, show choir, and marching season, and hanging out with Hannah :) every so often, a thought will cross my mind and i wish i could post it on here, but i'm never home.

I got a blue VW beetle! that things my baby lol and i want to drive it everywere. I can get my drivers liscense on August 24th and i plan to get it then so i can finally drive my car by myself! nothing screams upperclassman than a car and freedom haha.

Well, I have some hilarious and mildly disturbing news. I have recently been informed that me and my friend Michael are to jump out of a cake at our friend Brooke's birthday party, both of us wearing bikinis. I pray that Michael doesn't wear bikini bottoms. *wince*. But yeah, i'm kinda excited lol.

Well, I'm officially on youtube(: check me out! my username is sharayray24 and i currently havwe 2 videos posted: a group singing number me and 3 of my friends did at the recent voice recital, and me doing a dance routine i choreographed.

well, that's just about it. bye!

You Left The Stage In The Middle Of A Song

Dear Michael,
Words cannot describe how broken my heart is. Never in my life did I think that someone so special and wonderful as you could be the victim of a tragedy. Every day I relive every moment we've ever had together, from 6th grade when you used to like to pull practical jokes on me to just last friday when we teamed up and argued with Isaac about how camping with a camper IS camping lol. You told me to tell you how Blackwater Falls was on Tuesday, because you'd never been there. I'm sorry that I never got to share it with you.
You were an amazing person. I don't think I ever saw you really get mad. Every time I saw you, you always had a smile on your face, always laughing at something or just smiling to yourself. I miss that more than you will ever know.
When people tell me not to be sad, that makes me angry for some reason. Nobody except your close friends will ever know what it is like to lose such a dear person. I guess it just makes me angry that people who don't understand could ever tell me not to be sad. It's impossible.
And just when I think i've finished crying, i can't stop. All it takes anymore is just someone bringing your name up in conversation to make me go back into depression mode. I know it's not healthy, but I've come to love the silence, and to love the times when noone's around so I can be alone with my thoughts and memories of the good times.
You had such a bright future. I was sure you were going to grow up to be a hollywood film director and marry Miley Cyrus (remember that one time at lunch when I called her a slut and you told me you'd marry her in a heartbeat? lol). But sadly, your future was taken in a completely different direction, and because of that, so has mine.
I've come to realize something recently. Life is so precious. In the blink of an eye, someone can be gone without warning. You didn't do anything wrong. It was just your time to go. But because of you, I think you've made all of us just a little more stronger, and just a little more adventurous. Because if you live like you're dying, you have nothing to regret when your time on earth is over.
May you rest in peace.
Your good friend,
Rachel <3

OK, Seriously??

so i have one question to ask. Why the heck would you get into a fight with your ex boyfriend/girlfriend after CHURCH in the parking lot? Well, that's the question a lot of people were asking yesterday at my church. And I wasn't even there to see it :P

So aparently, there were 2 married couples that go to my church. Lets call them the Smiths and the Johnsons. well Mr.Smith used to date Mrs.Johnson and Mrs.Smith used to date Mr. Johnson. After they realized that the other went to the same church, they were not happy campers. So after church, they collected their kids from sunday school and proceded to beat the crap out of each other in the church parking lot! Wanna know the ironic part? Our sermon yesterday was about living in peace. Something tells me the message didn't sink in.

Anyways, profanities were yelled (in a church parking lot, mind you), and in the end, a very large man from our church came over, picked up Mr.Johnson, and threw him into the bushes. End of story.

Something tells me that the Johnsons and the Smiths will both ending up having to find new churches. So nobody wins. Fail.

Updates....

So i've been gone from my laptop for a while because i havent had time and for some reason the little booger wasn't working. So here are some updates on what's been goin down:

The Play- We ended up doing a total of 6 school performances and 4 evening performances. we sold out 3/4 of the school performances, so i guess we were good! When it ended last week, i was soo sad! I have no idea what i'm gonna do when it comes that time and i'm a senior. I'm probably gonna bawl my eyes out lol. On the bright side, i heard a few rumors that next year's all school play is West Side Story, which is one of my favorite broadway musicals.I now have myself convinced that i was born for the part of Maria haha

Show Choir- We went to states and took 3rd (which idt is so bad) and i got the best performer award!! that was acutally my goal lol not for r choir to win, but for me to get the best performer award. I got a trophie and everything(:

Events- so me and Hannah are going to GWL in 3 days!! we're soo excited that we can barely talk about it without screaming lol. just imagine whats gonna happen when we're actually there!!

exercise- i've started walking and running on the trail near my house every day recently and i can already see a change in the way i feel. I feel more healthy and my legs are getting stronger. im definitely gonna keep this up.

Ipod- so my mom says that i can't get an ipod touch as an early bday present until the beginning of the summer. But my dad says that he'll talk to her. idk if he sides with me or not, but i hope something good comes out of it(:

well, that's about it. I'm still crazy about my boyfriend and im kinda lovin life rite now! Anyways, i'm goin to bed cuz im still tryin to catch up on my sleep from the performances from last week!! nitee(:

Once Upon A Time

once upon a time, there was this girl. She could never find anywhere to fit in. First she tried the "bad" group, but found that her morals and conscience were too strong to ignore. Second, she tried the "goody-goody"s, but found that their lack of adventure and rebellion was far too prominent. Finally, she found a place where she belonged. It wasn't the populars, it wasnt the bad kids or the overly good ones, either. This girl found refuge in the group that most high schoolers tend to avoid. The marching band kids. She found that this group of people were exceptionally welcoming to anyone who offered a smile and a sense of humor. Almost at once, she found that this was her place where she belonged. Her refuge. Even if the rest of the school hated her, this would be the one place- the one room- where she belonged. She would remain in this circle of friends for the rest of high school, and the friendships she made would last a lifetime. Along the way, she found love in the arms of the most unexpected person, and a best friend who not only was not in the same social circle as her, but almost was her complete opposite-and her complete twin-all at the same time. I guess what i'm saying is that this girl found that she didnt have to be what everyone else wanted to see. She was herself. And where she found herself, is certianly the last place she ever imagined she'd be looking. The End.

Haven't Met You Yet

well for those of you who dont' know, Michael Buble is pretty much the best thing to grace the jazz/pop scene. His voice is amazing and his songs are beautiful :) there's one song in particular that i love right now off of his new album. It's called "Haven't Met You Yet". Here are the lyrics:

I'm not surprised

not everything lasts

I've broken my heart so many times,

I stop keeping track.

I talk myself in,

I talk myself out.
I get all worked up

just to let myself down

I tried so very hard not to lose it.

I came up with a million exuses.

I thought I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it'll all turn out.

You'll make me work so we can work to work it out

And I promise you kid that I'll give so much more than I get.

I just haven't met you yet.

I might have to wait

I'll never give up.

I guess it's half timing

and the other half's luck

Wherever you are

Whenever it's right.

You'll come out of nowhere and into my life.

And I know that we can be so amazing

And baby, your love is gonna change me.

And now I can see every possibility.

And I know someday that it'll all turn out.

You'll make me work so we can work to work it out.

And i promise you kid that i'll give so much more than I get.

I just haven't met you yet.

They say all's fair

And in love and war.

But I won't need to fight it

We'll get it right

and we'll be united

..............

and then it pretty much repeats the chorus over again about 2 times lol. I love this song and it reminds me that if something doesnt work out, that must not have been what was supposed to happen.

Great Wolf Lodge

You jump accross the lilly pads and try to get to the other side (I've busted myself a few times lol)

The Lobby (this pic doesn't show the puppet show thingy)

Part of the waterpark from above...

Some dude going down a waterslide? lol

the climby house thingy lol idk what to call it but its awesome! lol

Hey Hannah, are you excited yet?? because im flippin pumped! :D

Who am I?

who exactly am I? Am i just some random girl who dresses edgy? Am i a dancer? A singer? How about a friend, or a sister? Am i a daugher? I am all these things, and much more.

People tend to judge me sometimes. She dresses weird, she's a band geek, she wears too much eyeliner, she must be a whore because she's always surrounded by that group of guys. I've heard it all before. What i've never heard is "She may look different, but she's really nice." or "I like the fact that she's not afraid to be who she wants to be." And I know exactly why.

People are so caught up in how they look and what others think about them that they are too worried about that to care who they hurt in the process, or who couldve been their friend. People such as my friend Marina. She's full out goth. The hair, the clothes, the rebellious attitude. What other people don't know is that she's one of the nicest people you'll ever meet. She has the perkiness of a cheerleader and can tell jokes till you're crying. The average person doesnt see this because they're too busy judging her on her appearances to think about what kind of person she is.

What exacly is popular? Well, by my definition, it is somewhone who has a lot of friends and a lot of people like. What is popular at school? Someone who dresses the "right way" and tears down others who are not on their social level. The only people who like them are their group of friends, if that. To me, that's not popular. That's thinking you're better than someone. I dont consider myself the "school" definition of popular, but by MY definition, i think I am :)

So this is me: I dress a little "out there", I don't say the things I should sometimes, I make mistakes. I'm a singer, a dancer, a performer. I'm a lover. I'm a fighter. And by my definition, I am most definitely popular.

Reaching New Heights...and embarassment

ok, so i've always been afraid of heights. it's not that extreme, but i jst try to avoid being places where i am in danger of falling off anything or really anything that's more than 5 feet off the ground. I've never flipped out the way i did today.

so i was at play practice and i knew what was coming, my first day on the set. I have to twirl baton on a 15+ foot high platform, and my heart is racing jst thinking about it. So during break, i decided to go up by myself and jst get the feel of it. well while i was up there, my friend Hunter decided to shake the riser which set me off balance, and aparently my emotions too. I didnt fall off, but i did break down right there in the middle of the set and start bawling and i could not stop!!! I felt like a complete idiot. Eventually i composed myself (after crying into isaacs shoulder for a few seconds) and hunter gave me a hug. Now weer all good but i still hat that stupid platform.......

Black Dress With The Tights Underneath ;)

haha that's what im wearing now lol. Because of all the snowdays, i haven't gotten out of the same pair of pajamas for 4 days....gross, rite? Well today, my mom got tired of looking at me and made me go take a shower. i was feeling rather in the mood to modern dance today so i put on a dress with leggings (modern is always more fun when you're barefoot and wearing a dress). My mom is gonna quiz me for my upcoming test and i cant go dance until she does.

but i leave you with this question: Did Hellen Keller really talk with her hips?
ponder that for a while

Brothers

I know for a fact that i've mentioned before how much my boys mean to me, but i've never really gone into depth about it. I often get ridiculed for hanging out with guys all the time. "But you're so pretty!" one girl said after she saw me with them out to eat one night. "You could do so much better!"said another. "Why to you even hang out with them?" one girl asked. My response? "Because I love them."

Ever since i was little,I've always had a certian thing about guys. Yea, i had my girl friends,but i always seemed to get along better with boys. This carried on into high school where i found out that friends can turn into best friends and best friends can turn into family. I always wanted a brother growing up too. I guess as i got older and friendships formed, i got unbiological brothers that are best friends all in one.

The first guy i can ever remember opening up to as a best friend is Jesse. We've known each other since 1st grade and he's one of my best friends to this day. We've talked about everything under the sun and he knows almost everyting about me (some things i cant tell anyone but hannah lol). He's been there through Elementary School, the Hell that is BMS, and my freshman year of High School. If he hasnt left me yet, then hes trapped for life haha.

My boys are like my family. I feel completely comfortable around them and they treat me as one of the boys and i love it. Looking at all of us now,I can honestly say that i think we'll all be best friends throughout our entire lives. I think of each and every one of these guys as my brothers and i would literally do anyting for them. I hope they think as high of me as I do of them :) love you boys :)

Snow White and The Seven Dorks

I've known Jesse since 1st grade. He's been one of my best friends ever since :) He's pretty much been the only constant in my life all these years

Evan's such a cutie :)

Isaac is hands down my best guy friend (alex doesnt count) We're kinda twins separated back in Italy lol

me and all my boys <3 i love them (BTW there are 7 in this picture!)

ok so tonight i watched a movie called Sydney White and the Seven Dorks. Its about this girl Sydney White whos mom died when she was 9 and her Dad (and the construction workers he works with) raised her. She goes off to college to join the same sorority her mom was in. She ends up not making it cuz of this girl Rachel Witchburn (r u seein the connection yet?) in and she ends up having to stay in the "Vortex", which is a house that these 7 dorks live in. The end up being like her best friends and she falls in love with Tyler Prince (if ur not seein the connection to Snow White by now, u never will lol)

Anyways, this movie got me thinking about why i liked it so much. heres what i came up with:

-Sydney is an outsider that really doesnt have very many girl friends

-She hangs out with dorks (who all happen to be guys)

-She's pretty much the only girl they know

-She really doesnt care what anyone thinks about her and shes not afraid to act like a guy

Shes pretty much me in movie form lol. My friends are primarily guys (bsides hannah, duh), they're not exactly on a high social status, and they really don't talk to girls. They're all socially awkward, which is prettt much how my boys are. I'm a really observant person and heres what i came up with this time:

Isaac makes jokes and laughs at his own jokes when trying to fit in

Jesse looks down and half-smiles when he gets nervous

Evan talks in a voice thats barely audible and hardly says anthing at all

Ben uses vulgarity

Ethan won't talk in full sentences (yes, no, uh-huh, nuh-uh, etc.)

Everyone is dork lol my friends are just about 100pts up from the rest of society on the dork scale. I love my boys with all my heart. They're like family to me and wouldnt trade them for anyting in the world

Fine, just make me feel guilty y dont u??

you know what i hate? Those dumb infomercials they play after new years and christmas about weightloss and getting fit. I already feel bad enough about myself already, thank you very much.

So today I sat on the couch all day long watching tv at my Memaws house. And you know what? I counted 3 weightloss and workout equipment comericals in one break! I'm pretty sure they're just trying to guilt us into buying their diet programs because they know we're all feeling fat from all the holiday food. I almost get sick just to look at my bare stomach in the mirror anymore. *shudder* I want to get in shape, but seriously, who has the time??

so anyways, i've made my decision. I'm going to buy into this whole weightloss cliche. Tomorrow.